I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell