hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
bring money and cleavage
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
