I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.