So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Randomize
