Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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