At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies