um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.