Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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