It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.