I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The beer is more important than you right now.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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