Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
