I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
