So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
