he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
