Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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