note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
