what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
