How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
