i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
