I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
