Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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