You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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