call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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