I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
