This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
