i permit you to call me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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