You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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