Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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