I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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