Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
