I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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