i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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