Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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