i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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