i think my tv is drunk
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
