I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
