i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
no more duck duck goose at the bar
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
