I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
