I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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