i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
