Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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