My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
