I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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