kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
