the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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