u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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