i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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