So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
