just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
