He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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