PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
