Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
