moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
