Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
