if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
