im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize