Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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