He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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