The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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