wanna go halves on a baby?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am one with the molecules
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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