i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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