oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
