Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
