Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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