omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
