I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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