oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
