i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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