did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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