I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
