you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
