this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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