The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
