I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize